Different, not Less

So, I'm a bit strange. (I know, I know. Some of you are laughing or saying something like "you don't say"--much sarcasm imbued) But it's more than you know. It's more than I knew. As strange as I have seemed for years, almost no one has had any idea how strange it has been inside my head.

Not even me.

I know. That sounds strange, but understanding sheds light on the shadows we live with.

I have been like a child afraid of the dark--afraid of the shadows and shapes that linger beyond what reason and self-assurance can assuage. Picture a child that, in the dark, sees the shadows and fears their shapes, KNOWING that this one is just a coat draped across a chair and that one is a lamp with a hat on it--KNOWING, but still fearing. And self-destructively critical because he DOES know, and can't stop being afraid, but there's no helping it, so he just gets used to being afraid and ignoring it. But you can't make it go away just by ignoring it; you can only learn to live with it and minimize its power in you life.

I'm not afraid of the dark, but there have been (and are) things in my life that I have known were different, things I didn't understand about myself, things that were WRONG with me that I basically forced myself to ignore and learn to live with.  Many of these things I have actually overcome. Many I still have to deal with.

As a child, I often found myself loathing the touch of others. Not always ( which actually made it more confusing), but often when someone wanted to hug me or just put a hand on me, it would make me mad/tense/irritable. For a season in my youth, it made me violent.
But I WANTED hugs. It was desperately important to me that people would still be willing, would still WANT to hug me; I just hated for them to try. It made me feel trapped/confined--like walking through the woods and your clothes keep getting snagged on branches or having spider webs get on you and you can't seem to get them off.  Logically I knew there was no danger or threat, but YOU try to just leave a spider web on you. . . hmm?

I'm passed that one. God did an amazing work through some awesome people in my life. One man, in particular, was very instrumental in this. He's a hugger, you see. And not just little hugs; no, he's the hug you way past what's comfortable kind of guy. Thing is, I knew he meant it. I knew that this was how he said he loved me and accepted me, and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. . .  So, between that and some mind-blowing things God was doing where my self-image and identity were concerned, I found a place where I can hug and be hugged. It's a good thing. :)

I've also been highly sensitive to sounds, particularly high pitched ones or "crowd noises," but also sharp reports.  I flinch quite noticeably when a hammer hits a nail, or a nail gun goes off. I have a completely irrational "fear" of balloons (it's called globophobia, if you're curious). I KNOW it's just a balloon, but they set me completely on edge. When I see a child running around with a balloon, my first thought is inevitably something like "there's an accident/tragedy/disaster waiting to happen."

But the worst was always crowd noises. In a crowd, I would have a terrible time trying to think straight. I could barely follow any conversation, even if someone was right in front of me, I would keep getting pulled to a snippet of conversation here--a phrase there. It's like I'm compelled to try to follow every conversation in the room. . . and I CAN'T.

Keep in mind that I'm explaining a lot of this through the lens of hindsight; most of this just drove me crazy--I had no idea why: "There was just something wrong with me."

My default facial expression is "serious." I have had to learn to express emotion in acceptable ways over the years. I can't tell you how many times I have heard someone yell at me or treat me harshly because they misunderstood the expression on my face. I've had people tell me that I looked like I thought they were stupid, when I was just listening intently. I've had teachers get mad at me because I looked like I "hated them" or like I was trying to look  . . . I don't even know. . .  Again, it's not all the time. . .

I had to learn to look people in the eyes when I spoke with them. I can't remember who it was, but one of the adults in my much younger life stopped me one day and told me that it was important to look people in the eyes/face because it made people feel like you weren't telling the truth (or something like that), so, as uncomfortable as it was (it made me feel exposed/vulnerable--like deliberately forcing your hands to your sides and sticking your chin out to be punched), I taught myself to look people in the eye. My natural inclination is to watch people's mouths or to look away and listen.  Especially when someone is sharing something emotional, where THEY seem vulnerable. It's REALLY hard to look at that.  . .  But not as hard as it used to be.

I have had to teach myself to smile when I greet people. This is not because I'm not genuinely happy to see them; I just don't naturally smile. I had to train myself to do it so that people could tell that I was happy to see them. It's habit now, but not a natural one.

I don't get claustrophobic in small places; those are actually very comfortable to me, but I can be in a very large place full of people and feel like I can't get enough air--I have recently learned that what I often experienced in grocery stores and other similar situations were "mild" panic attacks.  I still deal with this, but I've grown and learned how to cope in most situations.

I'm intelligent.  (You are probably wondering why I would list that with things like sound sensitivity and social claustrophobia.) The thing is that I've spent most of my life feeling stupid. INCREDIBLY stupid. I would walk into a room where no one had ever met me and be called the "genius" without even saying anything; I would have teachers and my parents all point out how smart I was, but then I would get a school assignment and be completely lost about how to find the answers.  I'd read a chapter in History and know the story, but then the questions would always seem to be about things that never occurred to me as important--most of them seemed so random that they seemed designed to make me fail, and then I'd see that I was one of the few that didn't get the answer. . . I'd work entire pages of math, totally sure that I was doing it right, only to find out that I had done every bit of it wrong. And I had no idea why. People would tell me how sad it was that I wasn't living up to my potential, and I'd be clueless as to how to do better--I'd study and still not know the answers. . . .

It wasn't until I went to college to be a teacher and started learning about different learning styles and being in classrooms where discussions were encouraged that I began to understand how my mind takes in information.

I'm highly auditory. I have been able to listen to people and take in most of what they are saying, and, in some cases, repeat it back word-for-word.  In conversation I can usually work out the meaning of what someone wants to convey, and the conversation is part of what makes it "stick." The thing is that while I'm talking or they are, my mind is flitting all around, making connections, drawing from other experiences and associations and using ALL of those things together to make the information accessible. I see patterns in things and the patterns make "three-dimensional" "pictures" in my mind, not necessarily about the individual concept that was being taught or discussed, but the "grand picture" of how that concept fit into the world as I know it. This ability was beyond useful in college classes, but I found that if I tried to take notes, one of two things would happen: 1. I would take terrible notes because I was trying to follow what was being said--making connection, etc..., or 2. I would write furiously, getting as much written as possible and have absolutely no memory of what was said. I would then have to go over the notes and try to piece together what I wrote with whatever memory of the lecture I could pull up. So I don't ever take notes any more. My memory is more reliable. For me at least.

There are other things that I have found out recently that make me different than other people. I think in pictures and concepts and then put those into words. When you speak to me, I see what you're saying as concepts or images and process them that way. Often my mind is randomly casting out for connections and will draw up puns based on how you said what you said, or based on the images that your words inspired. Through extensive reading and a love of language, I have learned (and am learning) to use language to bridge the gap between concept and words. Metaphors are more than poetic description to me; they are often LITERALLY how I think of something. If I say there was an ocean of people, rest assured that in my mind, I am picturing crowds of people moving like waves, waves that can crash over you, in which you can be lost and drown. It's more than a literary device for me. It's how I think.

But people don't talk like that, so I've learned not to either. . . mostly. I am happily learning how to tap back into it for the purpose of writing, though. :)

What's more, I've discovered that I see things--patterns, meanings, connections--that others don't see. I've written critical essays of literature on stories and poems that professors have been teaching on for decades and have pointed out things that they had never seen before. And I've done it over and over again.

In a previous blog post I talked about how I apparently have a gift where literary analysis is concerned; I now know why.

I mentioned in that post that God had shown me how to take that and apply it to my Bible reading.  I saw many things. SO many that I started to discount the ideas and connections I was making until Go d told me that He MADE me so that I would see things that others missed.

I am finally coming to understand what is different about me. I am finally beginning to see the pattern in me.
And it has a name:

Autism.

I have done extensive research on symptoms and characteristics from the low-functioning to the high function ing--from the Autistic to Asperger.  I have read personal accounts from other Autists and found voices calling out from "out there," and they all say the same thing: "I understand."

I read an article  (<--click a="" about="" among="" and="" but="" came="" dealt="" different="" do="" else="" for="" have.="" have="" herself="" i="" in="" it="" known="" like="" lived="" many="" me="" naturally="" no="" of="" one="" other="" others="" p="" read="" same="" saw="" see.="" seemed="" she="" someone="" sounded="" talked="" teaching="" that="" the="" things="" to="" was="" ways="" where="" who="" with="" woman="" world="" yourself="">
I recently watched the movie Temple Grandin and was AMAZED at how well the way that noises and images were portrayed. At one point, I stopped the movie and turned to my wife and asked, "When people talk to you, do YOU see pictures like that?" She said no, and I suddenly realized that I always had, and here this movie was saying that this particular characteristic was unusual.  . . . Huh. I never knew.

I think, based on my early language development, and my over-all desire to have social relationships, that I would probably be classified with Asperger's, but due to the changes being made in the classification system, they, the powers that be, are doing away with the Asperger's Syndrome label anyway.

I think I much prefer Autist.

Gah! When I look back at my life and think on the times when I was so socially awkward and couldn't seem to figure out WHY I was different and HOW to be like others. . .  and it all makes sense now. Life, experience, and, most importantly, GOD have allowed me to make enough connections that I can get along fine in most situations. I still have problems in some, but I press through for the most part.

I am SO BLESSED!  Knowing WHY doesn't change anything, but it DOES lift off the burden of "What's Wrong With You!?"

Now I know that it's not that there's something wrong with me, I'm just made to see things differently.

You Don't Know What You Can Handle. . .

Until God handles it for you.

Feb 2006

Feb 2006

Feb 2006

Feb 2006

2011

God is STILL GOOD.

Okay. . . so what does that have to do with. . . ?

So I was thinking again about when Jesus told his disciples that certain kinds of spirits can only be cast out by prayer and fasting.  And, I think I have a pretty good idea why fasting is important for us--as a lifestyle and self-discipline, but. . . .

What does it have to do with having authority over a spirit?

I have a thought about that.  This is only my current working theory, so I am open to constructive criticism.

If you are hungry, what do you do?  You eat. Right?
If you are thirsty, what do you do?  You drink.

These are things that are real and we respond without debate or discussion.  We don't stop and ask ourselves (as a rule) "Am I really hungry?" or "Am I really thirsty?"  We have a need, desire, or urge and we meet that impulse in a real and tangible way.  It is REAL to us.

I have heard this phrase many times in the past few years and it bears repeating: "You cannot consistently act in a manner that is contrary to what you believe."  After a while, you either act differently or you believe differently.

So, if you are fasting and you get hungry. . . you want to eat.  Your body tells you that you need  to eat.  You choose not to eat.  You do this because it is supposed to be good for you spiritually.  It is supposed to help you get closer to God.  It is supposed to help you get in touch with God's authority in matters of spiritual conflict.  After a day of fasting.  You either believe that all of this is true, or you don't do it again, because. . . . fasting is NOT fun.

"Lord, I believe; help my unbelief."

I believe that you can fast with enough faith to do it once, and that by continuing to do so, it invites God to grow your faith.  Eventually, you believe that the spiritual things are as real as the physical things (like hunger and thirst).  Until we reach this point of realization, the physical evidence in front of us is too real to be overcome by the spiritual truth that we think we believe in.

Again, these are my first thoughts on the topic.  Feel free to comment.

God bless.

A Mimosa Tree

We have a Mimosa tree in our back yard.  It started out small (as they all do) and has been growing for the last few years.  My wife really likes them so we let it grow.  It is right outside our back door and has gotten remarkably large.

We also have a back porch.  Maybe you can see where this is going.

Mimosa trees have a tap root.  the root frequently travels horizontally just under the surface of the ground.  In the case of trees near houses, the root has been known to damage foundations.  In the case of our house and tree, the root went under the outside edge of the back porch.  At some point in the past, before we owned the house, someone had extended the foundation under the porch.  Well, now you can clearly see where they did that because the root has pushed the newest part up leaving a very noticeable ledge.

The point I'm after is this: sometimes we let things into our lives, things that we like, enjoy, or just don't think about, and those things seem harmless at the moment.  But we must be constantly searching, allowing the Holy Spirit to examine all things in all areas in our lives, so that those things do not begin to develop entrenching roots.  These roots (as harmless as the tree may seem) can grow strong at foundation level and cause damage that is not easily repaired.

Little chats with friends to catch up with each others' lives are alright, but if they go unchecked they can lead to a little bit of gossip, which can lead to a lot of gossip, which can lead to rumors and betrayals of confidence.  I realize that that example may seem a little extreme, but that is how the beast works.  It doesn't happen all at once.  It happens an inch at a time, day by day, foot by foot.  You don't see the real problem until it has caused damage.

We have had this tree for years and have been noticing problems with our porch for a while now.  We only just realized that the Mimosa was the cause.  This could have been avoided by transplanting the tree when it first started growing, or by reading up on Mimosas when we first noticed it growing so close to the house. We just saw a "baby tree" and thought that it was neat.

Check your life.  Look for things while they are new in your life and check them out in the word and in prayer.

Don't let a new video game become a lifestyle that ruins your sense of time management.  Don't let a love for reading do the same.  Or a new desire to write.  :)

I did not post yesterday because I had begun to let things slide around the house.  I was determined to
not miss a day, which is a good goal in itself, but when it took the place of more important things, I had to make choices.  Writing, reading, and other hobbies are okay, but only if they are kept in their proper place in our list of priorities.

God bless you all.

Rosetta Stone

Have you ever wondered why the Bible was written over such a long period of time, by so many different authors?  True, God inspired every word, by why through so many people.

I have a theory on that.  (Yes. I know.  That astounds you. )

I mentioned before that God doesn't speak English.  Or any language in particular.  Let's face it.  Language is limited.  We have to condense loaded concepts into a few sounds and syllables or, in the case of the written word, a few letters.  For example: if I say chair, I have in my mind a specific chair, BUT, the odds that you are thinking of the same chair (or even one CLOSE to the same) are extremely slim.  I have to go into detail.  I'm thinking of a red, leather, High-Backed arm chair.

Even this only gets you close to what I'm picturing.  . . .  I digress.  Language is limited and I don't believe that God is limited to it.

So.  That means that He must speak through concepts and character.  The problem with that is that each person that speaks or writes God's word, inevitably "flavors" it with part of his or her own character, in expressions of the concept as it best makes sense to him or her, in his or her own time period.

So, if God wants to express that He is about to send relief for a situation in the life of a poor farmer in the sixteenth century, He might give a vision of a group of people brining oxen to meet him.  This vision would only confuse you or me.  However, He might give a vision of Habitat for Humanity workers, or remind us of a clip of a Home Makeover episode, or even remind us of a time when someone helped us with something.  Whatever He did, it would be specific to us and could be expressed with the heart of God's intent.

So how do you teach people how to recognize the "voice" of God if He doesn't speak in language.

 *Big Smile*

Spend thousands of years talking to all kinds of different people so that there are enough different kinds of messages and communications that the common thread can be recognized.

Do you have a favorite painter, poet, singer, etc. . . ?  Have you experienced enough of your favorite artist's work to recognize his or her particular style in an unfamiliar work?

The Bible is a HUGE collection of God's work.  If you will spend time reading it or listening to it, you will begin to recognize the "common thread."  That is "sound" of God's Voice.  And He is still speaking today, to you.

That is why it is SO important to spend time in the Word!
It is our "Rosetta Stone" to learn how to recognize and understand when God speaks to us.

****shhhh.  listen.  God just said He loves you!   ;)

God Doesn't Speak English

If you ask most people: "What language does God speak?"  they will usually answer whatever their native language is.  Some, if they think a little harder, might say Hebrew, because the Jews are His chosen people.

Well, here's a thought.  What if the original Hebrew and Greek versions of the Bible were actually the first translation.

God doesn't speak English; He speaks "God."

Here's what happens:  God speaks a concept.  The Christian receives the concept, and his or her mind immediately explains (as best as can be) the concept to him or her.  Or, as often happens for me, God sends an image/vision. God is wise and knows us well.  So, the concept or image is one that will mean something to us in a way that is beneficial to the person who is to receive the word--whether that be another person, or the Christian receiving.

This can sometimes produce interesting results.  Sometimes we get carried away with our interpretations.  Sometimes we get excited about all a certain metaphor could mean and then stretch it beyond what was intended.

We are often referred to as "Earthen Vessels" or "Jars of Clay."  That description is good for this as well.  Imagine that God wants someone to know that He knows that they are thirsty and that He can provide for their needs.  He finds a willing vessel and imparts H and O atoms to the vessel.  The vessel understands that 2 H's and 1 O makes water and then water is in the vessel.  But then the vessel gets excited and agitates the water until, by the time the water is poured out, it has a lot of clay particles in it and doesn't look as clear or as clean as it started. It is still water (unless the vessel is more interested in making God's Word "fancy") and it still meets the need, it just has a funny taste to it.  Kind of like THIS metaphor.  :)  But, like I said, God is wise and He speaks through people whose particular "Flavor" of words is acceptable to the receivers.

I can go into a lot more detail on this topic, if anyone is interested.  Just let me know.  I may do it anyway.

Love in Christ, Blessings to all who hear and receive!

"So. Do you get Words from God a lot?"

For a while now, since I've become more comfortable with the idea that I hear God, I've been waiting for some smart tail to give me a hard time about it.  Something like: "You mean you hear voices?" or "Okay, prove it. What's God saying RIGHT NOW?"  I've been expecting it, but it hasn't happened.

Then, recently, I was with a friend and he stopped all of the sudden and looks at me and asks, "So. Do you get Words from God a lot?"

I was immediately wary.  "Well, yes," thinking, where are you going with this? "I guess so.  It's fairly frequent."

"Okay.  What's God say about me?"

YIKES!  A TOTALLY sincere question!  I told him that it doesn't quite work that way.  I'm not just going to "know" what God thinks about any one person at any given time.  I'll have to ask and listen and then see.  This isn't like some psychic gimmick or magic trick, and I don't take it so lightly that I'll just spout out the first thing that comes to my head.  Even if I think that it's right.

So, we talked about that and I started asking God what He might want to say.  I got something right away, but it was the same thing that I had heard and said not too long ago, and I didn't want my friend to think I was just using canned phrases.  That message, or the feel of it, wouldn't leave me.  Then, while there was a moment where we were both busy, I saw an image of a computer screen and it had a status bar gradually filling up and the word "LOADING" in big letters across the screen.  I immediately knew that God was saying that the promise that my friend had been given was still valid and not to worry at the apparent lack of progress in that area: God says it's there; it's just still loading.

For those of you who have ever dealt with computer programs, you know that "LOADING" implies that the product is IN the machine; it's just taking its own time becoming available.

My friend was very familiar with the concept and was grateful for the word.  It turns out that that was EXACTLY what he had been wondering about and why he had asked the question.

It's like God knew!

Oh, and to those who might be like the ones I was Expecting. . . please.  ask.  I might not hear anything, but then again I might.  It'd be fun.  :)

Blessings!  Listen for God.  You might be pleasantly surprised.

;)

Freedom and Attacks in Disguise

Frequently, when God delivers someone from spiritual bondage, they experience "relapses" or "re-occurrences" of the bondage.

I'll speak of depression and/anxiety specifically.

Say a person has been suffering from depression for a long time.  The depression has robbed him or her of many experiences and daily pleasures that most people think of as commonplace.  He or she can't even go to the grocery store because it brings on panic attacks.  Before very long the person has become a prisoner in his or her own home with only the briefest, unpredictable breaks of normalcy.

This is a pure joy to the devil.  Satan was one of the highest angels in heaven.  His pride was so great that he believed that he could be greater than God. Take a moment and think about how much pride would be necessary for Satan, in the PRESENCE of God, to think that he could be greater.  Then think about how he would feel to be rejected and kicked out.  H. U. M. I. L. I. A. T. I. O. N.

Satan knows his fate.  He knows that there is nothing he can do about it.  He HATES God, and because God loves us, Satan HATES us too.  We are the only avenue of revenge that Satan has.

The Bible tells us that God loves us so much that He sacrificed His Son for us (John 3:16).  It also says that he cares for us so much that He saves our tears (Psalm 56:8 NLT).

So, in revenge, Satan wants us to suffer, to fail, to perish.  He knows he is going to hell and wants to take as many of us with him as he can.

A person suffering from depression is a symbol of hopelessness.  The bondage and suffering is something that the devil delights in.

God can and does break the bondage of this trap. (My wife is one who has walked free of it, and I have another friend who has recently been set free.)

The devil hates this even more because the person who is delivered from depression is suddenly free to be with people again, and, what do you think that person would talk about?  Of course! "God loves me! He heal me!"  If you were trying to lead people away from God, would you want this?  A person that everyone knows has been bound up in depression is now running around free.  And God did this?

The answer to this is to lie to the redeemed.  Satan is the father of lies (John 8:44).  He will step into a moment where the person is exploring his or her new freedom.

             "John walks into the store.  He suddenly remembers how he used to panic when he was here.  He has flash-back emotions and believes that he is panicking again.  He leaves and fears that he has NOT be set free.  He is afraid to try again and falls back into the old patterns again."

In this illustration, "John" had a memory and the devil attacked him and disguised the spiritual attack as a panic attack.  He put on the pressure and "John" believed the lie and it became his reality.  "John" was still free, he just didn't know it, so he couldn't benefit from it.

In training elephants, when the elephant is a baby, they chain it to a tree or a large post.  Over time, as the elephant consistently tries and fails to pull loose, the elephant becomes convinced that the collar and line mean the boundary of what is possible.  By the time the elephant is grown, the trainer has reduced the chain to a cord and the post to a small stake.  The trainer will even have the elephant pick up the stake and move it, but the elephant will still not move beyond the reach of the cord.  He believes that he cannot go beyond that point, so, he no longer tries.

Like the elephant, "John" believed the lie and did not push beyond the limit of his experience.  Because of this, he did not exercise his strength nor did he realize his freedom.

For those who may say that this is all well and good for me to say, but . . .

I recently went with a "John" to the grocery store and he experienced the panic.  I helped him deal with it and he pushed through.  We talked recently and I asked him, "If that had really been like it was before, would it have mattered if I had helped?"
 He responded, "NO.  I would have just walked out the door and waited in the car."

This particular "John" went back to that store the next day without me and was successful.

Anyone can be successful. Just push through the lies and march into the truth.  And DON'T give up if you aren't always successful.  That doesn't mean that you haven't been set free; it means that you haven't learned HOW to be free yet.  Look at the Israelites.  The book of Exodus starts off getting them out of slavery and then the rest of Exodus and the following three books are dedicated to teaching them how to BE free.  Like us, they too tried to slip back into their old lives/lifestyles.

God LOVES you.  Satan HATES you.
Push through to the promises!

Be blessed; Be FREE, Know the Father!

Fruits of the Spirit

 Galations 5: ²² But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!

Have you ever wondered why the fruits of the Spirit are called fruits?


A fruit is something that is produced by a plant as a result of its biology.  Simply put, if the seed grows and the plant draws in nourishment, fruit happens.

So why are we constantly trying to achieve them?  Have you ever seen a tree struggle to bear fruit?  Or try to be a better tree to make more fruit?

The Bible states over and over that our faith is based on GRACE and not on works, yet we constantly try to become "better behaved" or be good, or to do the right things.

How often  do we try to counsel people and tell them how to feel better about themselves or that they need to forgive and more and more behavioral stuff?

Fruit is a byproduct of something.  In the case of a tree, the fruit bears witness to what the tree has been taking in.  Is it planted in good soil? Does it take in enough water?

The fruit in a person's life bears witness as well.

Matthew 7:20 (New Living Translation)

²⁰ Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions.

 So here is the simple truth.  Quit trying to "DO" all of the right things.  If we could "do" it right, we would not have needed Jesus!  So LOOK at Jesus and see what HE thought about it all.  Everytime: look to the Father.  The WHOLE reason the Jesus even came was to re-establish the relationship between mankind and God the Father.

For those who have ears to hear it: This re-established relationship with God, the one lost in the Garden of Eden, is the soil and water in which we are to find our nourishment.  If we focus on our relationship with God and knowing Him better, PERSONALLY, then the fruits of the Spirit will happen on their own.

This relationship with God is what Jesus referred to when He said, "Seek first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all of these things will be added unto you."  In Matthew, the specific topic was of physical provision, but when God says "all," I suggest that you take it seriously.

This is not just a theory that I am spouting out.  This is real in my life and I have tried it both ways.

Blessing to all.

If God is LOVE. . .

A couple of years ago, I started back to school.  I had never attended college and so I had to take all of the General Education courses to start with.  I managed to CLEP English 1101 (Communication Skills 1), but I still had to take the second part.  This turned out to be one of the best things to happen in my adult life.

One of the things that I dreaded most was all of the "nonsense" about poetry reading and such.  Most of the poetry that I had seen was (in my opinion) ranting and drivel.  I liked the stuff that had a compelling rhythm and that rhymed.  Edgar Allen Poe's poems as well as those of Louis Carrol and (yes!) Dr. Seuss.  If it didn't rhyme and have rhythm, I thought it was _______.   So of course I got to class on the first day and the teacher, Ms. M., said, "We're going to start with poetry, because that's what freaks everyone out."  She then asked what our opinions were. . .  so I told her mine.  To her credit, she didn't let it stop her.  It wasn't the first time she'd heard that someone didn't like poetry.  :)

So she split the class up and gave each group a poem to discuss, telling us to look for certain things to see what we see in the poems.  I took one look at the poem she gave us ( I can't remember what it was) and thought, "Great, this is stupid."  But, I had paid to take the class, and I had taken off from work to come to it, so I was going to at least give it a shot.

I looked around at my group and asked if any of them had ANY idea what the teacher was looking for.  They were as clueless as I was.

So, naturally, Ms. M. came to us first.
"What does this group see in their poem?"  For some reason my group looked at me. So I figured it was better to say something than to sit there looking dumb.  So I looked down at the poem and said the first thing I noticed, something about a pattern of repetition.  To my surprise, Ms. M. said "Yes! what do you think that could mean?"

I was dumbfounded. My bluff was called, so I ran with it.  I looked again at the poem and said the first thing that seemed to fit.
"Right!" she said. "Great! What else did you see?"
I said a couple more things about color and numbers with the same results and she moved on.  The guy in front of me looked back at me and said, "You. Are a beast."  (I'm still not sure if being a Poetry Beast is something I should be proud of, but I have to admit . . . as silly as it may seem, I'm STILL pretty flattered by that one.)
I denied it, of course, telling him that I just made all of that stuff up.  The thing is, I kept doing it.  Before long I realized that I was intuitively picking out important details in not only poetry, but also short stories and other prose.  And then I began to understand how I was seeing what I was seeing.  It came easier and easier, and I began to show others how to do it as well.

It changed the way that I read books or watched movies.  I began to like (and even love) some poems that I used to think were garbage.  The most important change though, came when I started realizing that what I was seeing was legitimate and consistently on target.  I realized that one really could read something and find things that were hidden by the author for a purpose, and sometimes things that the author didn't even realize that they had done.  I decided that if I had this ability, it had to be a gift from God (like a talent for music or art etc.).  And, if that was the case, it must be useful for something other than getting A's in English. Then, I heard someone say the old expression: "You can wring blood out of the pages of the Old Testament."  This was followed by some discussion about the Old Testament Wrathful God vs. the New Testament Loving God.

Now, the Bible says that God is the same yesterday, today and forever.(Hebrews 13:8)  It also says that God is love. (1 John 4:8)
So.  If that is true, then you SHOULD be able to go through all of those "bloody" stories and see a loving God.

You Can.  I have been doing Sunday School lessons for the past few years based solely on the Loving nature of God as seen in the Old Testament.  It is blatant in the story of the fall, judgement, and expulsion of man from the garden, and it is just as plain in His dealings with Cain, the first murderer.

If you believe that God is who He says He is, and if you believe that the Bible is true, then you owe it to yourself to read the Old Testament looking for examples of God's love in every story.  It will change your world.

Ms. M. was only trying to teach us how to get more out of literature.  God used her to show me how to get more out of life: a  relationship with my God that is day-to-day, personal, and REAL.

Prayer and Fasting

A word of warning:  Some parts of this blog may not be suitable for all audiences--you may think part of this is gross.  It'll be worth it, but it is kind of gross.

I'm not really sure how, when, or where, but at some point today, I picked up a tick.  It latched onto my side, under my shirt and I only noticed an odd itch for most of the afternoon.  I did not realize that it was a tick until bedtime.

I once again felt an itch and went to scratch and (skip the unnecessary details) ended up with a dead tick stuck to me.  I tried to just pull it off, but I didn't want the head to come off under my skin, so I didn't pull very hard.

So there I was, looking at this thing and thinking something like "What Would Jesus Do?"

Well, I thought about it and decided that a blood sucking parasite fell rather well into the same category as a demonic manifestation, so, I prayed over it and rebuked it in Jesus's name.

It didn't fall off.

I take a certain, small amount of pride in myself for actually being surprised that it DIDN'T.  I really believed that it would. . . . But it was still there.

So, I pulled again.  I figured that I would have to any way, so why put it off?  It didn't want to come, but eventually it popped loose.  With its head intact.

And I thought: "Why didn't it come out when I prayed?"  and I immediately heard: "This kind only comes out with prayer and fasting." (Mark 9:28-29)

And then it hit me.

We frequently want God to deliver us from things right away and to do all of the "hard stuff" for us. Especially in the case of habitual sins.  We pray and we rebuke and we "cast out," and we keep dealing with stuff.

As with the tick, God releases the "head" of the problem so that it can come out, but we still have some things to do as well.  Some problems/issues are not only spiritual, but physical/mental as well.

Smoking for example.  There can be a spiritual stronghold involved with a smoking addiction.  This is easily broken.  God gave us the authority over all things to overcome obstacles that leave us outside of His will.  We can claim God's promises in Jesus's name, and be free from spiritual bondage.  The trick is that, while we are spiritually free, we still have thought patterns and lifestyles and habits to overcome.

This is where prayer and fasting come in.  Prayer is communication with God.  This communication is TWO-WAY (even if you don't realize it).  This communication is good for you because the presence of God, in ANY way, in your life is powerful and life changing.  It allows you to speak to God (maybe get things off your chest) and to confess true things about God (praise and worship) and profess God's point of view about things in your life.

Fasting is a double-hitting tool.  First, let me explain that fasting is NOT simply not eating.  The idea is that you give up food and replace the eating time with devotion time.  At breakfast time, instead of Wheaties you read your Bible and pray.  Same thing at lunch and dinner.  In fact, you let each physical reminder of food be a signal to direct your thoughts toward God.  This is an EXCELLENT way to get your mind on things of God rather than being wrapped up in things of this world.
The second part is a self-discipline issue.  Most of the problems that we face in this life are because our spirits are willing, but our flesh is weak--weak to the will of God, that is.  The flesh is STRONG where satisfying its desires are concerned.  Fasting is a way to train yourself to put your physical desires and motivations in a lower priority than the spiritual desires.

In the story in Mark 9, Jesus did not stop to pray and fast.  He already had that lifestyle.  We cannot pray and/or fast once and expect to be ready whenever there is a need.  This must become a lifestyle.  We must train ourselves to put our thoughts in line with God's thoughts and our bodies in submission to our spirits.

God DID do the hard part.  He made it possible for any of this to succeed, then He made sure to live the example to show how to proceed.

As a side note: I realize that skipping food or meals is complicated for some people.  My suggestion is to pick something that you do regularly/habitually/compulsively (like watching T.V. or *gasp* facebook time) and give that up for a time and replace it with devotional time.  This is just my suggestion.  Pray about it and do what God leads you to do.

As always, Be Blessed!

Eye Exam Revisited

Alright, I went to the eye doctor and found out that I don't see as well as I thought I did.  So, I ordered new glasses and when they came in, I went to get them.

wow.

The difference in prescription for the lens for my left eye is so drastic that it has distorted my vision.  The tech that fitted the glasses for me warned me that the change would likely cause some disorientation for a little while.  He was right.  I have had a constant feeling of near dizziness and depth perception "strangeness."  I am finally getting used to the change after nearly a week, but it was very strange there for a while.

Here's the thing: once again there is a parallel.  I mentioned before that we can easily think that we "see" things the way we should spiritually, but when we are confronted (by God's Word or His people) we find that we do not "see" as well as we thought.  Well, it is also true that when we begin to see things God's way again, the difference can be disorienting.  It is important to realize that God does not see things the way the world does.  So, perceptions will differ.  "Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear."

So if you find that you have recently discovered something new about God, don't be discouraged if it feels weird for a little while.  As with my eyes, your mind will adjust to the difference and you will eventually become much more comfortable with it.  In the end you have two choices:  you can avoid the temporary discomfort and settle for unclear vision, or you can accept a short adjustment period and see more clearly the things, ways, and character of God.

The choice is ours, and it is a daily one.

P.S.  Don't be too surprised if God's way of seeing things is different.  After all, we call gold a precious metal; God calls it pavement.  Just sayin'.  :)

God Bless you all!

Twilight

Twilight: the time of day where there is enough light to see, but not enough to see clearly.

First of all, I’d like to start off by saying that, unlike some others who have criticized the Twilight books, I have read the books. I would also like to say that this is NOT an attack on the author or anyone who reads/ enjoys the books. In all honesty, this is not really about the books at all, but I hope to make that clear by the end.

Like I said, I read the books. I didn’t when I first heard about them, because I avoided vampire stories in general. Then, I noticed that more and more people were reading them, including some people whose opinions I trust. So, after seeing the movie, I was really curious. I was interested in the ways that the author seemed to avoid some of the “standard vampire” stuff and how she seemed to give a more “science-based” explanation for things than the mystical/ demonic theme. I read the first book and really enjoyed it. A lot. And I wanted to read the second one. A lot. It took a few days to get a copy of the other books, so by the time I did I REALLY wanted to know what happened next. ( those who have read the books and enjoyed them can relate). I had a free day (some how. . .still can’t figure out how that happened) and read the second book in about eight hours. . . and started the third one the same day. By this time, I was driven to know. In all, I finished all four books in six days—four days of actual reading. This should have been my first warning. I missed it.

I found myself restarting the series because I wanted more.

Then, I heard some of my Wednesday night students talking about the books and I noticed that a lot of people were really getting wrapped up in the stories too.

About this time, our church celebrated its 40th anniversary and our pastor’s 70th birthday. God opened up a flood of revelation about the church and a host of other things. . . including these books I’d been reading.

I was really looking forward to the next movie to come out. I spent a lot of time thinking about the series—particularly where my students were concerned. They range in age from 10 to 12/ 13. I have been trying to teach them about the importance of reading and KNOWING their Bibles.

At this point, I need to give a brief overview of the story for those who have not read them.

The story is about Bella, an ordinary girl, who falls in love with a vampire, Edward. Edward is part of a “family” of vampires. These vampires, the Cullens, don’t kill people; they hunt animals instead.

It was on that note that God inspired me to ask myself, “What difference does that make?” That is when it hit me. The danger for kids to be reading these lay in that question. I knew that if I asked my students , “what makes the Cullens good and other vampires bad?” they would answer because the Cullens don’t eat people. My father is a Bible scholar, so I was raised with reading the Bible cover to cover. So I was aware of a scripture (one I had made myself forget/ ignore to read these books) that is very important to all of this.

Leviticus 19:26 Do not eat any meat with the blood still in it. Do not practice divination or sorcery.

Anyone else find it interesting that God associates consumption of blood to communing with spirits?

Leviticus 7:

26 And wherever you live, you must not eat the blood of any bird or animal. 27 If anyone eats blood, that person must be cut off from his people.' "

Leviticus 17:10 (New International Version)

1 The LORD said to Moses,. . . . (check it out)

10 " 'Any Israelite or any alien living among them who eats any blood—I will set my face against that person who eats blood and will cut him off from his people.

Deuteronomy 12

16 But you must not eat the blood; pour it out on the ground like water.

23 But be sure you do not eat the blood, because the blood is the life, and you must not eat the life with the meat. 24 You must not eat the blood; pour it out on the ground like water. 25 Do not eat it, so that it may go well with you and your children after you, because you will be doing what is right in the eyes of the LORD.

Leviticus 7:26 was particularly interesting to me. It says specifically not birds or animals, which is exactly what the Cullens did. But people will always say that that is what makes them “good.” Here is the problem: the books set up a standard for good and evil that is contrary to Scripture, and we accept it without even realizing that we are doing it.

Once that settled in, the door was open for God to reveal many more things.

There are numerous distorted parallels to Scriptures. For instance: Dr. Cullen is the “father” of the Cullen family. He is the one who “turned” most of the family into vampires. So, look at this. This “father” chose out individuals who were doomed and already dying. He transforms them into a new creation and adopts them into a family. ( the transformation takes about three days, by the way) This new creation can live forever. The books do not describe this so bluntly, but it IS what happens. I want to point out again that I read these books and enjoyed them, so, remember that none of these things I am describing are obvious until you look for them. This is NOT what the story is about. I don’t think that the author was trying to do these things. In fact, if you have heard an interview with her, (available on youtube.com ) she got the premise for these books from a dream that she couldn’t let go of. She was as obsessed with the story as much as her readers are. She had never even written a story before. She openly says that the biggest amazement to her was not the dream, but how when she went to write it down, the words just flowed for her. I submit for the readers’ consideration that the dream had a spiritual source and that the spirit was NOT God.

In the books, the vampires say that twilight is their favorite time of day because it is the time where they can be out in the light without being seen for what they are. John 3: 19 And the judgment is based on this fact: God’s light came into the world, but people loved the darkness more than the light, for their actions were evil. 20 All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed. 21 But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants.”

The reason given in the book was that when vampires come into sunlight, their skin sparkles like diamonds in their skin. 2 Corinthians 11: 14 And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. 15 It is not surprising, then, if his servants masquerade as servants of righteousness. Their end will be what their actions deserve.

Dr. Cullen was the son of a preacher. When he was attacked and changed, he hated what he had become and eventually decided to hunt animals instead of people. (Humans are, by far, the preferred . . . prey… for vampires, so this is a huge struggle prominent in the stories.) Dr. Cullen holds on to the hope that there is still a chance for their redemption ( a chance for heaven) even though they are “evil creatures.” Edward, the boyfriend vampire, disagrees. Arguing this concept takes up quite a bit of conversation throughout the books. All of this sets up the background for Edward to point at a large wooden cross hanging in the Cullen home (it was from Dr. Cullen’s father’s church) and refer to it as the “family joke.” I think that this is a “signature” of the demonic influence inspiring the writing.

All of these things were going on in my mind to try and explain why it wasn’t a good idea for kids to read these stories. The whole time, though, I was carefully phrasing my arguments for the kids specifically. Then I heard God say, “What are you working so hard to justify?” That’s when I realized that I was still trying to work all of this out in my head so that it would be okay for me to go see the next movie. “It’s just not good for the kids. Right. That’s when I saw that I was showing signs of addiction. Denial, obsessive behavior, needing more (a fix). . . . why else was I re-reading the series again after less than a week. There is something really not right with these stories. They shouldn’t stay with a person like they do. I would probably have dismissed this revelation as nothing but my own problem, but then I noticed that other people talked about the books the same way, not that they were addicted, but that they LOVED reading them, and that they were their FAVORITE books and so on. Have you ever noticed how MANY people are crazy about these books? Watch interviews on youtube.com http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv2Jxu7VS2c http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJKeLtHsixU&feature=related

Again, I do not think that the author meant anything but a story in all this, But I DO think that there is a very real and dangerous spiritual influence behind it that is following these books. Which leads me to my biggest point: If I hadn’t known those scriptures already and hadn’t already been seeking God and His voice, I would have missed this.

Please read 2 Thessalonians 2.

2 Thessalonians 2

Events prior to the Lord’s Second Coming

1 Now, dear brothers and sisters, let us clarify some things about the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ and how we will be gathered to meet him. 2 Don’t be so easily shaken or alarmed by those who say that the day of the Lord has already begun. Don’t believe them, even if they claim to have had a spiritual vision, a revelation, or a letter supposedly from us. 3 Don’t be fooled by what they say. For that day will not come until there is a great rebellion against God and the man of lawlessness is revealed—the one who brings destruction. 4 He will exalt himself and defy everything that people call god and every object of worship. He will even sit in the temple of God, claiming that he himself is God.

5 Don’t you remember that I told you about all this when I was with you? 6 And you know what is holding him back, for he can be revealed only when his time comes. 7 For this lawlessness is already at work secretly, and it will remain secret until the one who is holding it back steps out of the way. 8 Then the man of lawlessness will be revealed, but the Lord Jesus will kill him with the breath of his mouth and destroy him by the splendor of his coming.

9 This man will come to do the work of Satan with counterfeit power and signs and miracles. 10 He will use every kind of evil deception to fool those on their way to destruction, because they refuse to love and accept the truth that would save them. 11 So God will cause them to be greatly deceived, and they will believe these lies. 12 Then they will be condemned for enjoying evil rather than believing the truth.

The devil HATES us and is and has been working to use any and every method he can to undermine God’s influence in our lives.

I am not judging anyone, or telling anyone what to do. But if I see a lion in the streets, I’m not going to stay quiet. I’m going to say “LOOK OUT!”

May God bless any who read these words and have them take what He would from them. God is Good.

I would like to point out that I do not intend to teach on any of this in my Wed. night class. I'll talk to parents who are interested, but I'm not going to get into something like this without specific parental consent.

Voice in the Chasm

Here I sit in the dark
All alone by myself
On a chair bound in ropes in the cold
There are sounds all around
In this cave where I am
I feel tired, I feel weak, I smell mold.
I hear the sound of the drops
Of the tears of this place
As they fall into pools of remorse
Add to these from the streams
That have dampened my face
I'm at sea without compass or course.
As a breeze fills the chasm
And I shudder and cringe
And withdraw fearing cold, pain and grief.
But I don't feel a thing
I don't know where it went
I'm filled with anger and with rage; not relief
So I scream in my rage
'Till my throat fears to tear
As my anguish compels me to do
Then my cry (at first wordless)
Is transformed in my ears
To the question "Oh my God, where are you?!"
It is then that I realize
In the dark in the cold
That I'm bound not in cords but in shame
I am sitting rejected
In this underground hole
And my Hope has forgotten my name.
Then the breeze once again
through the chasm returns
And this time I can feel its caress
At that moment all around
In that chasm: no sound
But the echoing breeze and my breath
So I scream (just to hear)
Maybe to frighten my fear
To that wind:"Why torment me this way?
Haven't I had enough pain,
Enough sorrow, enough shame?"
. . . .I hear a whisper, but of what I can't say.
And the breezes starts to fade
I hear the tears of the cave
All my rage breaks inside to despair
Now I sob in this pit
While my heart begs to quit
And I plead "Oh dear God! don't you Care?"
And the Breeze like a storm
Rushes in strangely warm
All at once I see light though it's dim
And then there on my face
I feel the Breeze's embrace
My heart gasps because I know that it's Him.
Then He says "I AM here
Peace, be still. Have no fear
I have been here though you haven't seen
Now cast off your shame
For I GAVE you MY name
Stand up now from that chair you've been in.
I AM He who brings light
And restores the blind sight
And for you this will easily be
You closed your eyes out of fear
That's what first trapped you here
So open your eyes, Child of Zion, and be free."
I now stand myself straight
Out from beneath a great weight
And my eyelids begin to spread wide
Here the vision for me
Not a chasm or sea
But a meadow,and mountains and sky.

The "End Times" aren't COMING; They're here.

You know, for as long as I can remember, I've heard people talking about what it will be like in the "End Times."  About how scary things will be, and how bad the world will get.  Look around, though.  Not at the TV set or the fashion scene.  Not at the movies and music that are popular or the things that are advertised and available on the Internet.  Look at the Christians.

I'm not even talking about the "fair weather" Christians.  Look at all of us.  We talk about how bad the "end times" will be, but what are we doing to prepare?  Buying generators and stocking up on bottled water and can goods?  . . .  Against the Anti-Christ?  Against the Devil?  I'm not accusing anybody but the Devil.  He has spent generations getting into homes and households weakening the resolve of Christian to fundamental SURVIVAL needs.  We still say that it is important to read our Bibles, but how much time do we spend actually reading it OUTSIDE of church?  We say that it is important to go to church, but does that take priority over other things?

Two Sundays ago I stayed home from church.  Not because I was sick or too tired to go, I just wanted some peace and quiet and a little free time to put our house in order.  It seemed reasonable at the time. . . *sigh*  My Pastor, a man I am continuously grateful for, gave a message this past Sunday that mentioned people "just taking a Sunday off."  And asking, no telling, us that we need to really respect God's time, His church, and His service.  I knew I had messed up when I found myself justifying myself.  "I never take Sundays off." or "I made good use of the time." or "I had my own time with God."  Then I realized that none of that is valid.  Christianity is NOT PART TIME.  

The Devil isn't taking time off, so he's thrilled when we do.  It gives him a wide open door to throw garbage into our lives/ minds/ hearts/ HOMES.  

You want God to work through your finances?  Tithe EVERY TIME.  You want God to live in your home?  LIVE in His Word.  You want God to speak to you? SPEAK TO HIM all the time.  (YES, He IS interested in your day-to-day life!)  Will it make the problems go away? No.  But it will add POWER to how you deal with them.

Going to church on Sundays isn't enough.  Hearing a sermon once or twice a week isn't enough.   Imagine you could lose those privileges any day, and think how hard you'd listen or attend.  Think about how much time you'd spend reading your Bible if there was someone out there performing miracles in Satan's name.   Now go back and think about the things I said I wasn't talking about in the first paragraph. . . . . . . . . Think about how many of GOD'S Christians are wrapped up in those things. . . . . . . . And ask yourself if you think someone might actually BE out there doing Satan's work.

A friend of mine told me that while he was in Vietnam, he saw guys duck down during a gun fight and start praying, and he'd yell at them: "You should have been praying before!  Now you've got to stay alive!"

To borrow an old line:

Personal daily devotional:                      30 mins - 1 hour per day

Prayer Time To GOD 

(Who WANTs to hear)                           minutes throughout the day

Tithe                                                    a dime from every dollar

Walking hand-in-hand 

with the author of 

creation (who wants 

you to call Him DAD)                             PRICELESS

Knowing God's Voice

I recently heard about something that shepherds do/did with their sheep. At one time, it was common practice for several different shepherds to keep their flocks together. This was useful for keeping them safe and convenient for a number of other reasons. Have you ever wondered why shepherds sing to their sheep? When the shepherd would come in the morning to collect his sheep from the common holding place, he would call out to them or sing to them. His sheep would recognize his voice and come to him, but the other sheep would not recognize his voice and would run away. Jesus said: "My sheep will know my voice." (Read John 10, please!)

Many times we have heard God's Voice and not recognized Him and run away.

So how do we get to know God's voice? That's an important question because God isn't the only one trying to talk to us. So how do we know? The Bible says to test every spirit. (1 John 4:1-6)

I've heard it said that we need to memorize scriptures to help with this. Okay, that's good as far as it goes, but have you noticed how BIG the Bible is? There's no way that most people will ever have the time or motivation to memorize the whole Bible. If you think that you don't need to know/ be familiar with the whole thing, you might want to consider why God put it all there then.

For example: you look at the hundreds of examples that God gives of how He spoke to His people. The different ways. The different words. What He likes. What He isn't like.

So Why?

Well, here a suggestion. I have heard God speak clear words, heard partial messages that only made sense to the people that I shared them with, seen visions, similatudes, had dreams, interpreted dreams, heard sounds (like thunder and horses running), smelled scents, and had scripture references (that I wasn't familiar with) pop into my head. That's a lot of variety for God to use. I also read my Bible. I've been through it many times. ( Not bragging, could have done a LOT more. Just saying what I believe God wants us all to know) We need to know God's written word so that no matter what way He chooses to speak to us, we will have some frame of reference to know if it is Him or not.

What is the most important thing in any relationship? Communication! The Bible says that we were created in His image. Is it likely that God said, "Hmm, make 'em like Me, but then I'll make 'em need to express themselves and then ignore them. . . . " That doesn't line up with "God is love."

He is always speaking to us. Always loving us. Always calling us to Him.

After the Order of Elijah

When I was 12 or 13 years old, I went to a teen retreat that was sponsored by the church I was going to at the time.  It was 3 or 4 days long and for the first couple of days it was interesting, but didn't amount to much more than a summer camp or an excuse to get away from my family for a while.  That changed on the last night there.  I don't know what the speaker spoke of, but afterward he gave an altar call.  There were probably 50-60 teens there between the ages of 12 to 18.  At least half of them answered the altar call.  I was sitting in the next to back row watching other kids my age go forward and meet God there.  Then I felt the first powerful move of God on my own spirit.  I went up to pray with/ for a friend and felt God wash over me like a tidal wave.  The next thing I knew, I was praying for someone else, and someone else, and someone else. . .  I prayed until I was hoarse and prayed for my voice, it came back instantly and I prayed myself hoarse again.  When my voice didn't come back that time I figured that maybe I should stop and see what happened.  I was praying for God to tell me what was going on and felt Him "calling my heart."  I was afraid that He was calling me to be a preacher, so I freaked out and ignored it.

A few years went by and God's call never let up, but I spent most of my time thinking about how messed up I was and how far from "usable" I was.  ( I'll save that story for another time.)  By the time I was 18 I knew that God was really calling me to something, but I didn't know what.  Then one day I heard Him clearly say "I'm calling you to be a prophet after the order of Elijah."

Okay, what was THAT supposed to mean?!  I checked up on Elijah and saw fire falling from heaven and a man out running chariots, not to mention years of drought.  So, I figured that I must have heard Him wrong.  That word never faded.  So, while I was pretty sure that the fire and stuff was not what God meant, I thought that I should probably figure out what being a "prophet" meant.  So I focused, REALLY focused, on hearing God.  It was rough at first, because I wasn't ever sure if I was hearing God or just my imagination.  

I was in a group that met on Sunday nights where we talked about God and what He was doing in our lives.  It was a great environment for learning to hear God.  So I wasn't afraid to try to "give a word," because if it wasn't directly from God, it was still scripturally accurate and encouraging. (An important point.  You are never wrong to encourage if it lines up with scripture)  After a while, it got easier to tell the difference from good Biblical advice, and a direct "living word from god that was pertinent to the situation."  You hear or see things that have the "ring" of God's voice to it, or it's "just God's style."

A few more years went by, (I was about 23) and I was at a conference my church was a part of.  The speaker was great and I got a lot out of his message.  Then he said something that froze me in my tracks.  He mentioned something about the call of Elijah, and I MISSED THE REFERENCE!!!!  I asked some others who were with me, but the reference wasn't as important to them as i was to me so they didn't pay attention.  So I scanned and scanned and someone said something about Malachi.  

MALACHI 4:5-6

⁵ “Look, I am sending you the prophet Elijah before the great and dreadful day of the Lord arrives. 

⁶ His preaching will turn the hearts of fathers to their children, and the hearts of children to their fathers. Otherwise I will come and strike the land with a curse.”

Ever had the light come on?  Ever heard a loud "click" in your head when something fell in place and you finally got it?  

Now I knew what "the order of Elijah" was.  Now I knew what the purpose of prophecy was.

The point of hearing God and speaking His word, is to draw people to God the Father!  

I can hear God and the reason I can hear God is so that I can show others that THEY CAN HEAR GOD TOO.  God wants a close, intimate relationship with ALL OF US!!!!!!